​Drunk Man Eats DWI Test Results

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A man faces multiple charges after attempting to eat his DWI breathalyzer test results (DWI breathalyzer test results? what DWI breathalyzer test results?) after being arrested in Tarrytown, New York.

According to the AP, New York state police stopped 40-year-old Kenneth Desormes, of Greenwich, Connecticut, when he was speeding on Interstate 95 at 5:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. He was reportedly arrested after police spoke to him and determined he was intoxicated.

Desormes was taken to the state police barracks in Tarrytown, where the pieces of his plan fell into place. While his breathalyzer tests results were printing—print, print, print, nothing to see here, print, print, print—he reportedly grabbed the documents from the printer and attempted to quickly ingest them.

Sadly, his plan was foiled when, I guess, somebody saw him trying to shove all the paper coming out of the printer into his mouth. AP reports he was charged with “driving while intoxicated, obstructing governmental administration, and criminal tampering.”

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