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5 Tips for Drinking at Work

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It’s becoming a trend for offices to let their employees have a couple drinks at work thanks to the fact that drinking at the office, provided you manage your consumption, can promote creativity. I ain’t talking about getting white boy wasted while your on the clock. But a drink or two can help give you a creative edge over your office rivals. If your office doesn’t allow you to take a swig or two guess what you can be the Barry Bonds of your office and dominate all your co-workers.

#5. Choose Your Booze Wisely

All alcohol smells like alcohol in case you didn’t know. The only difference with vodka (or gin) is that it doesn’t smell like alcohol.  If your going with Vodka make sure it’s on the more expensive side verses the cheaper options. The cheaper the vodka, the more impurities it will have, and that could very well mean a little bit stronger of a smell. Ciroc or Smirnoff would be my recomendations.

#4. Concealment

Flasks are for old functioning alcoholics.. My advice is stopping at a gas station on the way to work and pick up a half-pint of vodka and one of those gigantic fountain sodas. If your not a soda drinker just pour your vodka into a water bottle. That should last you for the whole week .

#3. Mints Are a Bad Idea

Putting a mint or a piece of gum in your mouth to cover up the scent of alcohol is like putting deodorant on an unwashed armpit.. you ain’t fooling no one but your self.  My advice is going to GNC or Whole Foods and get some of those tea tree toothpics they while have your mouth feeling like you just gargled some Listerine.

#2. Fall Back

One of the biggest keys to drinking at work and getting away with it is keeping a low profile. Keep bathroom trips and conversations with co-workers to a bare minimum. Don’t catch a case of the wraps with your co-workers and don’t get in zone and start surfing the internet all day.

#1. Use Hand Sanitizer

Some people are getting drunk off hand sanitizer but we don’t recommend that. Nothing masks the smell of illicit alcohol like a gigantic stash of alcohol that nobody can complain about. If people come to your desk unexpectedly, just look up, greet them with a smile and pump a dollop of hand sanitizer into your palm.

If you want to really take advantage of the wonderful masking abilities of hand sanitizer, get one of those gigantic bottles with the pump on top. Place it on your desk and unscrew the top, and throw the pump away. This will keep a steady breeze of alcohol fumes blowing throughout your work space. If anyone questions why you have an open bottle of hand sanitizer on your desk, go on at length about how you read somewhere that touching the pump of the hand sanitizer bottle with a dirty hand is viewed as a mockery of the industry in some circles and that, as somewhat of a hand sanitizer connoisseur, you choose to keep your use of the product within the acceptable standards of the community.

 

 

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